Resources

Bereaved Parents

We are so sorry you are here. We want you to know that you are not alone. We want you to know that there is no perfect way to walk through this journey and that this is not your fault. There is no right or wrong way to grieve so honor your hearts and give yourself grace as you walk a road we know you'd never imagined being on. Our hearts are with you sending gentle love and gentle courage.

    1. Ask for someone to arrange meal delivery for when you get home. We recommend MealTrain as it allows for customization of delivery sign up, gift cards to meal delivery services, and monetary donations.

    2. Contact a lactation consultant to help you decide whether you would like to suppress or donate your breast milk. See our Lactation Support section below for more.

    3. Plan a funeral or a memorial service. If it’s helpful, delegate out tasks to family/friends.

    4. Begin working with a perinatal bereavement mental health provider or support group in person and/or online. See our Therapy/Support Groups section below for more.

    5. Have one family member/friend check on you daily. It can be overwhelming to navigate the influx of calls and text messages that will come in. Normalize not responding to everyone so designating a point person may help.

    6. Move your body - even a walk with a loved one or stretching at home can help release tension and allow for better circulation.

    7. Be mindful of your nutrition. We say this with so much compassion. Sometimes a solid meal can help break up mental fog. See our Caring for Yourself section below for more.

  • After the loss of a baby, lactation support is critical. It’s important to know your options, but what’s most important is that you do what feels right for you.

    We’ve partnered with Fourth Trimester Foundations and The Lactation Mama to bring you all the most up to date information on lactation after loss.

    Click here for our Lactation After Loss PDF.

    For those interested in Milk Donation, The Milk Bank is part of the Milk Banking Association of North America.

    One of the mama’s in our pride has shared her donation story below in honor of her son, Roman.

    “I first learned about the option to donate milk from the box I received when I went home from the hospital without my son. There was a pamphlet about donating milk however there were no resources of specific ones around. I decided to Google milk banks in Michigan and came across Bronson’s Milk Bank - The only milk bank in our state. They made the process very simple for me and were kind and gentle and responsive during the process. I decided to donate my breast milk as it felt like a way to honor my son and to keep his legacy alive. I knew the milk my body created for Roman would be going on to possibly help some other babies thrive and maybe even potentially stop a family from going through what we just went through.

    It was not an easy process, and at times it was completely gut wrenching. I’d sit in my son’s nursery and pump and stare at his picture board imagining what it’d be like to feed my baby. I’d look down at my pump and envision him looking up at me. It brought a whole mix of emotions, but ultimately it felt like I was doing something tangible with my pain in that moment. I decided to pump for about a month and then brought my milk in to the bank, however most people just ship it in.

    Looking back, I am really grateful for the experience of donating my milk. It felt good to give back and I felt like I had a purpose - especially those early days and weeks when all purpose in life felt like it had vanished before me. Donating milk is not for everyone and that is okay too! For me, it felt like a piece of my son was going to continue on throughout the world and feeling that brought peace to my heart.” - Roman’s Mama

  • Finding the right mental health support can be daunting. It requires energy; which bereaved parents simply do not have. We have created a list of therapy/support group resources throughout New Jersey as well as nationwide.

    New Jersey

    Therapeutic Providers NJ/NY Area (click to view)

    Pockets of Light (currently running virtual groups and available for non-NJ residents)

    Forget Me Not Foundation

    Hudson Shea Foundation

    Nationwide

    Star Legacy

    M.E.N.D

    First Candle

    Hand to Hold

    Compassionate Friends

  • We hesitate to even use the words ‘self-care’ because in the midst of this deepest grief, pain and anger, you’ll ever feel, talks of self care can feel misplaced and almost inappropriate. The hardest part about caring for yourself after loss is that your mind will know your baby has died, but your body will not.

    Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but caring for yourself helps make the seconds in between minutes more bearable.

    Postpartum Nutrition -This tip sheet was created with loss mama’s in mind. Chrissy Williams is a Women’s Health Registered Dietitian & Nutrition Coach. If you are interested in learning more about her and her services, please visit chrissywilliamsnutrition.com. Chrissy offers a free 30-minute consult and 25% off any nutrition support packages for loss mama’s in our pride. Mention Courage in Time when contacting her.

  • Aubrey’s Advocate

    A Walk in Sunshine (NJ only)

    Angel Names Association

    Skyler’s Gift Foundation

    The Tears Foundation

  • After giving birth, new parents begin receiving promotional mail for baby products and related items. If you created a baby registry, this is another way companies get your information. These mailings come from the Direct Marketing Association.

    By contacting the address below, you can have your name removed from the mailing list used by such companies.

    Direct Marketing Association

    Mail Preference Service

    P.O Box 643

    Carmel, NY 10512

    To request via mail you can send a letter with Baby or Parents Name, Address, and Signature.

    To complete online visit www.dmachoice.org and visit Consumer Assistance.

Family & Friends

While nothing you can say will take away the pain the parents are experiencing from losing their child, there are some things you can say and do that may help provide comfort to the parents. The most important thing to remember is that each parent is different and how they feel may change over time. The best advice we can give you is to ask the parent what they are comfortable with and follow their cues.These suggestions will hopefully help you consider what to say to parents of child loss. 

  • Ask the parents what they are comfortable with in terms of discussing their child. Do they wish to talk about their child or is it too difficult at the moment? Remember, each person is different, but we have found that most parents welcome talking about their child as it assures them their child will not be forgotten.

    Follow the parents’ cues on talking about the child’s death or medical condition(s). If the parents bring it up, it is probably safe to talk about, but do not start a conversation on this topic without knowing how the parents feel.

    Be patient.

  • Through our experience as bereaved parents, we have learned that there are some things that when said, no matter how good the intentions, are hurtful to the parents. While we recognize that each parent is different, the following are some phrases or sentiments we suggest avoiding.

    -Don’t try to make the death into a positive with sayings like ‘God has a plan, have faith, or turn to God.’, ‘Everything happens for a reason or good things will come from this.’, ‘It will get better with time or time will heal.’ , ‘They are in a better place or they will no longer have to suffer in this life.’

    -Avoid any sentence that starts with “at least” (no amount of justification will make the parents feel better).

    -Don’t unload your new fears and anxieties on the parents. Most parents understand that what happened to them affects others as well and probably does cause you to have fear and anxiety related to your own kids, but these parents are likely struggling to work through their own fears and anxieties and cannot focus on listening to the fears of others.

    -Don’t say a new pregnancy will make everything better or be overly excited about it without recognizing that it comes with a whole host of complicated emotions for the parents. A new baby doesn’t make everything ok or mean the parents have moved on in any way. It is helpful to ask the parents about the emotions of the new pregnancy, rather than make assumptions about the impact it has on their grief.

  • When offering any of the below, let the family know there is no expectation tied to this support. Bereaved parents are exhausted and often don’t accept help because it could include seeing or talking to others.

    -Deliver Food (set up Meal Train, drop off meals, send giftcards)

    -Offer to run errands

    -Offer to talk to others on their behalf (with wording of the parents choice)

    -Offer to help put away or organize baby items

Finding Connection

Advocacy

We believe in advocating and educating for the effective and compassionate care of all mothers and families, who experience the death of a child during pregnancy and infancy.

While we believe that most healthcare professionals desire to provide the best care possible for their patients, often times this care lacks compassion. Our advocacy efforts will help change the narrative of maternal health and postpartum support to be family centered and driven by companioning.

Our advocacy efforts will also help empower loss mamas to use their voice, their inner roar, to stand up for better bereavement and trauma informed care practices. As we continue to grow, we will be publishing advocacy materials and trainings.

Literature

  • We teamed up with Fourth Trimester Foundations and The Lactation Mama to create an informative and supportive pamphlet to provide loss mama’s with options for lactation; Lactation After Loss

Conference Exhibitor

  • 22nd International Perinatal Bereavement Conference in Denver, CO hosted by PLIDA (Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Alliance).

  • PSI (Postpartum Support International) Climb Out event with Team Bergen in Paramus, NJ.

  • PSI -NJ Perinatal Mood Disorders Training in Edison, NJ.